Catanduanes Forum

lets laugh, smile and be happy to start the day.

Isang gabi sumakay ako sa jeep. Lahat ng pasahero nakatitig sa akin. Walang
umiimik. Sinubukan ko mag bayad pero di nila inaabot ang pera ko.
Kinalabutan ako.
May isang matandang bumulong sa akin, "hindi ka na dapat naparito. Umalis
kana habang kaya mo pa."
Napalunok ako, "ano hong ibig nyo sabihin?"
"INARKILA NAMIN ITO, NOH..Hehe!"

Dad: Gabi na! Bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi?
Anak: Dad, not now. I'm tired. Dami projects, dami events sa school,
nag-meeting pa kami with the Dean.
Dad: Magtigil ka! Kinder ka pa lang!

TEACHER: What is an ANECDOTE, class??

STUDENTS: Maam, anecdote is a short tale.

teacher: Very gud. Ok, Juan, use it in a sentence.

Juan: The small dog is wagging his ANECDOTE.

Show Manny

CHAVIT: MANNY, paki acknowledge naman c 1st Gentleman,late dumating,aun kadadaan lang tabi ng ringside.,

PACMAN: i wud like to acknowledge da ARRIVAL OF DA LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.

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Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tau anu magandang name?

Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin… “MANKY” .....Harhar.

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Pacquiao: honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.

TNT sa USA
(Grocery)
CASHIER; Visa or Master?

DAN; (kinabahan) naku po hanap Visa ko?
nagmadali sakay car, but he needs gas...

GAS BOY; pay first!

DAN; ( nerbyos) patay papers daw!
Run cya sa fon booth 2 call home...

OPERATOR; AT&T. can i help u?

DAN; (namutla) alam na TNT ako!
labas cya ng booth...

KANO; are u DONE?

DAN;(pawisan) pati name ko alam nila?

KANO; tourist?

DAN; apelyido ko rin alam. TORRES?

KANO; Be Cool!

DAN; pati probinsya ko alam nila?

....HINIMATAY SI DAN...
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA

Father: ikaw lalaki, tingatanggap mo bang maging kabiyak ang taong ito habangbuhay?

Lalaki: Opo

Father: At ikaw naman, malanding pokpok kang bakla ka mukha kang kabayo, akala mo siguro ang ganda mo sa gown mo, noh?! Tinatanggap moba ang lalaking ito na hindi ka magsisisi kahit magkabaon-baon ka sa utang sa pagsustento sa kaniya?

Bakla: Father, sabihin niyo na lang kung tutol kayo sa kasal na ito kaysa naman tumalak ka dyan, naka-mike ka pa naman
-----------------------------------
man’s life cycle
3 to 8 yrs. old : Paramihan ng toys.
9 to 18 yrs. old : Pataasan ng grades.

YAN MGA TAHO TALAGA....3 to 8 years old - Paramihan ng toys
9 to 18 years old - Pataasan ng grades.
19 to 25 - Padamihan ng siyota
26 to 35 - Pagandahan ng asawa.
36 to 45 - Palakihan ng income.
46 to 55 - Padamihan ng kabit.

Theme song of married couples...

1 to 10 years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
11 to 25 years - Saan ka man naroon
26 to 49 years - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
50 years and up - Maalaala mo kaya

Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? Sagot: May bahay.
Ano naman ang kabit? Sagot: May condo.

Doc: "Ano ang trabaho mo, iha?"
Girl: "Substitute po."

A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: "Do you know how to use the equipment?"

"Yes", the boy replied.

"Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?"

The young applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation."

"What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?"

"I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually."

"And if the lever was broken?"

Found this on my mail today. Enjoy it!

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel . "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

TITSER: bat ka na-late?
EDWARD: nawalan ho kasi ng 500 yung lalaki.
TITSER: tinulungan mo siyang maghanap?
EDWARD: hindi po, tinapakan ko lang hanggang umalis siya.

Sa Math Class...
Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hnati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)

Learn some french...the Pinoy way!

1. TURN - le coup

2. VEHICLE - Le car

3. LITER - le true

4. BEHIND - le coud

5. ALMS - le mousse

6. FIVE - le ma

7. FLY - le pad

8. DID NOT TAKE A BATH - le bag

9. CONFUSED - le tou

10. NO LONGER A VIRGIN - les pag

11. UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND - coup ma le wah

12. CITY - ce vou

13. DRUGS - sha vou

14. GOODBYE - va vie

15 .MUSICAL BAND - com vou

16. BALD - cal vou

17. CAUGHT IN THE ACT - na vou coup, na coup!!

18. FEATHERS - valahe vou

19. UNCLEAR - ma la vou

20. SINK - lah va vou

Nag-aaral ako sa La Salle.

Ang dami kong kaklaseng Intsik. Apelyidong Uy, Lim, Tan, Co, Go, Chua, Chi, Sy, Wy, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero sa kanilang lahat kay Gilbert Go ako naging malapit. Mayaman si Gilbert kaya mangyari pa, madalas siya ang taya sa tuwing gigimik ang barkada.

Isang araw na-ospital ang kanyang ama. Sinamahan ko siya sa
pagdalaw. Nasa ICU na noon ang kanyang ama dahil sa stroke. Naron din ang ilan sa kanyang malalapit na kamag-anak.

Nag-usap sila. Intsik ang kanilang usapan.... hindi ko maintindihan.

Naipadala ko na 50 thousand pesos na tuition fee mo, pinagbili na namin ang mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala mag masteral ng COUNTER STRIKE, wala na din pala tayong baboy naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mo na project nyo na NOKIA N95, ang mahal naman ng project nayun.

Kasama din ang 7 thousand dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA, anak malayo ba yun? mag ingat ka sa pagbibiyahe mo, isasanla palang namin ang palayan natin para mabili mo na yung instrumentong I-POD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo.

· School : A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

· Life Insurance : A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

· Nurse : A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

· Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

· Divorce : Future tense of Marriage.

· Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Guro:Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan:Di ko po kilala.
Guro:Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
Pepe:Di ko rin po kilala.
Guro:Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
Pedro:Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!

Pedro:Pare galing ako sa doctor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid... Grabe ang lakas na ng pandinig ko!
Juan: Talaga? Magkano bili mo?
Pedro:Kahapon lang...

Sayings to live by:

1. Do not do unto others what you can't do.
2. When the cat is away, the mouse is alone.
3. If others can do it, don't help.
4. Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you mine.