Catanduanes Forum

Guro:Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan:Di ko po kilala.
Guro:Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
Pepe:Di ko rin po kilala.
Guro:Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
Pedro:Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!

Pedro:Pare galing ako sa doctor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid... Grabe ang lakas na ng pandinig ko!
Juan: Talaga? Magkano bili mo?
Pedro:Kahapon lang...

Sayings to live by:

1. Do not do unto others what you can't do.
2. When the cat is away, the mouse is alone.
3. If others can do it, don't help.
4. Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you mine.
5. Early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon

Boy: Di na tuloy ang kasal natin
Girl: Bakit?!
Boy: Kuya mo kasi eh!
Girl: Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!
Boy: Yun nga eh.. gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!

English: Eat all you can, dont be shy... feel at home...
Tagalog: Kain lang kayo ng kain. Walang hiya kayo...pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo ito!

Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng biyenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!

Ama:Binuntis mo ang anak ko! Panagutan mo!
BF:May asawa na po ako!
Ama:Paano 'to?
BF:Areglo na lang po.2 million pesos kapag boy, 2.5 million kapag girl.
Ama:Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS, ha?

Misis: lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti dito sa kanto namin
(dumaan ang mister nya...)
Misis: Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?
Mister: Yoko sayo kamukha mo misis ko!

A chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar...
Spielberg hit the chinese...
Chinese: why you hit me?
Spielberg: coz you bombed Pearl Harbor,my father died there.
Chinese: but I am chinese not Japanese, stupid!
Spielberg: Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese... all the same! ... chinese punched Spielberg
Spielberg: why you hit me too?
Chinese: Thats for the sinking of TITANIC.
Spielberg: but the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, you fool!
Chinese: Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all the same!!

American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:
American: Use my name 4 times in a sentence!
Pedro: Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimming Paul..

Wife: Dear, ano reglamo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa...
Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Susunduin na kita!

Husband comes home 4AM and discovers his wife in bed with another man.
His wife shouts at him: "Where have you been?"
Husband: "Who is that man?!?"
Wife: "Grabe ka! Dont change the topic!!"

Pedro: bumps against a foreigner.
Pedro: Ay, sori!
Foreigner:Sorry, too.
Pedro: Sori three.
Foreigner: What are you sorry for?
Pedro:'Kala mo bobo ako ha! sori 5.
Foreigner: I think you are sick!
Pedro: Hahahaha! Sick daw, seven sunod!

Teacher: Sino pumatay kay Magellan, may initial na LL?
Student: Lito Lapid?
Teacher: Inuulit ang pangalan nya...
Student: Lito Lito?
Teacher: Mahaba buhok nya!
Student: Lot Lot?
Teacher: Madami sila...
Student: Lot Lot and Friends?

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

WIFE:Himala! Aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND:Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya
"GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako.

Juan: bday ng asawa ko
Pedro: ano regalo mo?
Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.