Mga sulat

cai's picture
Submitted by cai on Thu, 05/31/2007 - 9:11am

liham ng isang tatay...

Anak,

Medyo mabagal akong magsulat ngayon dahil alam kong mabagal ka ring
magbasa. Nandito na kami sa Estados Unidos para bantayan ang bagong biling bahay ng kapatid mo.Pero hindi ko maibigay sa iyo ang address dahil dinala ng dating nakatira ang address para daw hindi na sila magpalit ng address.

Maganda ang lugar na ito at malayo sa Manila . Dalawang beses lang umulan sa linggong ito,tatlong araw noong una at apat na araw noong pangalawa.

Nakakainis lang ang mga paninda dito katulad nun nabili ko na shampoo dahil ayaw bumula. Nakasulat kasi "FOR DRY HAIR" kaya hindi ko binabasa ang buhok ko pag ginagamit ko. Mamaya ay ibabalik ko sa Walmart at magrereklamo ako.

Noong isang araw naman ay hindi ako makapasok sa bahay dahil ayaw bumukas ng padlock. Nakasulat kasi ay "YALE", eh aba namalat na ako sa kasisigaw ay hindi pa din bumubukas. Magrereklamo din ako sa nagbenta ng bahay, akala nila hindi ko alam na SIGAW ang tagalog ng "YALE", wise yata ito!

Mayroon nga pala akong nabili na magandang jacket at tiyak na
magugustuhan mo. Ipinadala ko na sa iyo sa "Federal Express" medyo mahal daw dahil mabigat ang mga butones kaya ang ginawa ko ay tinanggal ko na lang ang mga butones at inilagay ko na lang sa bulsa ng jacket. Ikabit mo na lang pag dating diyan.

Nagpadala rin ako ng tseke para sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo, hindi ko na pinirmahan dahil gusto ko na maging anonymous donor. Nakakahiya naman kung ipagkakalat ko pa.

Ang kapatid mo palang si Jhun ay may trabaho na dito, mayroon siyang 500 na tao sa ilalim niya. Nag-gugupit siya ngayon ng damo sa memorial park, ang kita naman ay above minimum ang sahod.

Nakapanganak na rin pala ang ate baby mo, hindi ko pa alam kung babae o lalake kaya hindi ko pa masasabi na kung ikaw ay bagong uncle or auntie.

Wala na akong masyadong balita. Sumulat ka na lang ng madalas.

Love,
fafah

p.s. Maglalagay sana ako ng pera, kaya lang ay naisara ko na ang
envelope. Next time na lang Ha..

‹ Tawa Po Uli Tayo Minsan Sa Gitna Ng Disyerto ›

the sexiest girl of D.M.

cai's picture
Submitted by cai on Thu, 05/31/2007 - 9:40am.

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls read with feelings...
*********************************************************************************

October 1996

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Marie Chan? Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I'm never call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl.

Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,

The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go.

Pork & Beans

Alvis's picture
Submitted by Alvis on Mon, 06/04/2007 - 3:58pm.

Tinawag ni Inay si Boy, ang batang ngo-ngo. "Boy, magpunta ka sa tindahan ni Aling Petra at bumili ka ng isang latang Pork & Beans."
"Omo, inay," ang sagot ni Boy. Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay binati niya ang tindera, "Aning Metra, ngamuta na mo ngayo? (Kamusta na po kayo?)
"Mabuti naman," ang sagot ni Petra, "ano ang kailangan mo Boy?"
"Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen?" ang tanong ni Boy.
"Ano kamo, Boy? sabi ni Petra.
"Isa mong Mo e Meen," ang ulit ni Boy.
"Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan."
"Mo e Meen, Mo e Meen, nyung nata lata."
"Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na lang sa akin."
"O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi."
"Letter 'B'?" Ang tanong ng tindera.
"Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines."
"Ha???"
"Mi!" Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni, E, Em, Nyee... Ey, Ay, Ngey, Ngey, En, Em, En, O, Mi."
"Ahhh, P! Letter P!" ang masiglang sagot ni Petra.
"Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen!"
"Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'...?"
"Ngo!"
"Ano kamo?"
Kumanta ulit, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni, E, Em, Nyee... Ey, Ay, Ngey, Ngey, En, Em, En, O."
"Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa."
"Netter Arrng!"
"Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy."
"Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... Ey, Ay, Ngey, Ngey, En, Em, En, O, Mi... Ngyu, Arrng."
"Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'? Hindi ko pa rin makuha, Boy. Anong letter and susunod?"
"Ngey."
"Letter A?"
"Ini ho," sabay buntung-hininga si Boy. "Ngey! A, Ma, Nga ( A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta )! Nga!" "Ka!
Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!"
"Oo. Mo e Meen"
"Pork and?" Ang tanong ni Petra.
"Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!"
"Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!"
"Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!" ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.
"Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!"
"Oo. Mo e Meen! Menon ngayo? ( Meron kayo? )
"Ay, naku wala!"

Pork & Beans

Dave's picture
Submitted by Dave on Mon, 06/04/2007 - 4:41pm.

nonoo naw ni? manga mumuwa man!

Dave Pogi

Pork & Beans

Alvis's picture
Submitted by Alvis on Thu, 06/07/2007 - 2:40pm.

Nonoo naw Anoy Eve!

maga mako man na nonoo

Dave's picture
Submitted by Dave on Thu, 06/07/2007 - 6:10pm.

maga mako man na nonoo noy.

ano man na Anoy Eve!
1 point

Dave Pogi

eve ogi!

str's picture
Submitted by str on Thu, 06/07/2007 - 6:45pm.

eve ogi!

almis ogi

Dave's picture
Submitted by Dave on Thu, 06/07/2007 - 6:51pm.

ay naimingan! nanamunan no na! nha nha nha. nanga mua man mano uy. imingan nga almis... maan mangnirinso na no ha, ingaw ang ingwang ngasallan!

1 point mero no.

Dave Pogi

Filipino Excuse Letters

cai's picture
Submitted by cai on Thu, 05/31/2007 - 9:26am.

Filipino Excuse Letters

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling)
collected by schools from all over the country.

1. My son is under a doctors care and should not take
P.E. today. Please execute him.
(Hala! Sige. Silya elektrika at bitay. Sabay pa! O kaya niyo yun?)

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick
and I had her shot.
(Pag nag-absent pala papatayin ka...Baka may rabies...)

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on
Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
(Aba grabe to. Nasa kalendaryo pa ang birthday ko kung ganon.)

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
(Ano daw???? )

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
(Hanapin natin!)

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken
out of his face.
(Bwehehehe.. -. la ako masabi... Ganito kasi yan. Kinagat siya ni
Lola sa noo sa gigil. Tapos nabali yung ngipin ng
pustiso niya. Haha!)

7. Megan could not come to school today because she
has been bothered by very close veins.
(Buti pa veins niya. Close sila. Haha!)

8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very
loose vowels.
(Aah.....eh. -...i.... .-ow....u. .-..)

9. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
(So transsexual pala si Irving?)

10. Cora wont be in school a week from Friday. We
have to attend her funeral.
(Ala e! Mabuhay ang Patay!! Mayroong Himala!!!)

11. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He
had a cold and could not breed well.
(Stud service ba yung school nya? baka gremlins siya.)

12. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
(Ay grabe! Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon. Hahaha!)

13. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had
a fever, sore throat,headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also
sick, fever and sore throat,her brother had a low grade fever and ached all
over. I best either, sore throat and fever. There must be
something going around, her father even got hot last night.
(Hahaha, telenovela.. -. bow. Makuwento siya ha...
Kulang lang sa pansin...)

14. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get
the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it
Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
(Winner to!!!!!!!!!! Ang galing!!!! Puwede rin kaya sa office ito?)