Catanduanes Forum

GRANDPA'S SECRET
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

HAPPY MOMENT
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was so overwhelmed I didnt talk for 1 hour

hubby:Yes dear that was the happiest hour of my life!

PATIENCE
xxxxxxxxx

in making that dog obey you!

Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,

I had a lot of trouble with you at first...

GATES OF HEAVEN
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia ."

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She instructed the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, an emerald necklace, a ruby bracelet, and a Rolex watch."

"But you're not wearing any of those things!" the artist said.

"I know," she replied. "But if I should die before my husband, I'm sure he'll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry!"

Two guys chatting in a bar:

First guy: Tell me three fastest ways of communication? But hey, the first three letters gotta be "Tel".

Second guy: Well, lemme see, Telephone, Television…ummm…

The second guy starts to think about other possibilites.

First guy: Okay, I'll tell you, the fastest means of Communication : 1. Tele-Phone 2. Tele-Vision 3.Tell something to a Woman and if you still want it to be way FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

A businessman entered a Pub, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks.

After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.

Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another."

The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home.

-----------------------------------------
Thanks from the emails of
Flor Tindugan, my cc batch.